Today my status on Facebook says:
"Ok folks, I've went and done it this time. I've offered to play guitar at my favorite bistro, Garden Bistro next Tuesday (12/24/13).. The staff there has always been good to me and I decided to give back to them for the kindness they have shown me in the recent past. PRAY for me!"
I admit, I've played guitar since age 11. I, at one point, wrote music and sang in Washington Pike Baptist Church with a guy named Mark (who's last name escapes me at the moment). It isn't like I haven't played in public in front of *gasp* PEOPLE...however, I'm not 17 anymore. I'm 51 and fear is a force in my life. Having IBS will make you fear the strangest things.
In one way, in my mind, I wanted to stand outside the crowd but in another way, I had this whole Walter Mitty thing going on in my head. There just wasn't tons of good examples of setting out on your own and doing your own thing in my life as a kid. There was fear to spare. Fear of being laughed at or fear of falling on my face in front of God and everyone and the shame those things will make you feel when you haven't developed the sense of self or self worth of your own abilities at a young age. There are times you have to break a hell of a lot of eggs to make a perfect boiled egg and when you are young you just have no feeling for how many time you have to fail to REALLY get it right.
While I sit here and write this, my mind is going about 4 or 5 different directions. I guess the biggest thing in my mind is this: How do I break out of my comfort zone and HAVE FUN. I'm a bit too serious and life should be serious...SERIOUSLY FUN and I still haven't figured out how to pull that off on a daily basis. I seem to thrive talking one on one to a person but I'm a stiff old white guy when I'm in a group of people! Haven't I played that roll long enough? YES! 100% YES. Kind of reminds me of The Geezinslaws Help, I'm white and I can't get down . and I can't jump either.....Sad, isn't it.....
My friend Robert Oswalt (no relation to Lee Harvey at all....) seems to be the FUN in being SERIOUSLY FUN. I see Robert once or twice a week at church and no matter what, that guy always has a smile and if he looks a bit goofy, that is OK too....nothing seems to ruffle his feathers much at all. We swap a laugh or two on Facebook and when he post something 99 times out of 100 it is a zinger of a laugh. To do Robert justice, he can be serious in a serious way if the situation needs that, however, he slips back to his fun self with great ease and is more comfortable in his own skin than anyone I know. I am grateful to have him as my friend and brother in Christ.
To get to the point of all this writing. I suggested doing this out of my own mouth while talking to the owner of Garden Bistro. It was almost a joke with a push of seriousness behind it. I ask Mike, "When are you all open next week?" and the answer was Monday and Tuesday. I am working Monday but Tuesday I'm free and Randi is working half a day. The staff at the Bistro know me by name and always treat me right. When I order my food, they always know how I like it even if I don't order it the correct way...(Thanks Becky! ). I ask all the staff..."Where do you go to get away from work? I come here for lunch and you guys WORK here.." at that point I decided I could give some back, beyond a tip or a Christmas card. I wanted to give those fine people something special....ergo...I wanted to play for them. They are my friends and I admire the work Mike and the staff do on a daily basis. They are food artist and sell a quality product in a quick manner with a friendly staff.
How will it all turn out? Only the good Lord knows but I seriously want to have a great deal of fun, mistakes, warts and all.
J.
