The Daily ACK! 1/14/2012 Addiction

This could be very adult: You have been warned! 
ACK! I have said before that I grew up around addiction. My Dad's addiction to alcohol ruled my life at a young age. The reason I don't drink more than I do has a great deal to do with the things that aren't shown in ads for alcohol or cigarettes. The negative side of both of those products and the effects they have fill books.

I have a different problem...it isn't anything illegal and it isn't sniffing bicycle seats when people aren't looking. My one truly bad habit is:

COKE.

USDA, Atlanta Georgia made Cola Beverage. Pepsi will do in a rush and I'll even drink third party knock off brands of what ever cola I can lay my hands on. 

For as bad as my problem is, it isn't terrible. There is no such thing as people bitching about "2nd hand coke" and the hospitals aren't filled with folks who have C.O.P.D. from drinking a cola beverage...(I would say the caffeine might push a person's blood  pressure up a bit or two).  I've never sold nude photos of myself to support my habit or performed wild public sex acts to be able to afford my addiction.  There are no half way houses of former cola addicts or meetings where you stand up and say "My name is Johnny and I'm a beverage addict" I can walk proudly into the store with my head held high and buy my addiction of choice without small kids looking at me with horror in their eyes while asking a parent "What is wrong with THAT man Daddy?" *twitch*...."Nothing son, just a slight coke problem"

Once, while in the military, at a crowded but quiet Post sports bar, I exclaimed loudly "You know the worst part of sniffing coke?" You could have heard a pin drop.... and then I said the answer "The Bubbles!" You could almost hear the whole place take a deep sigh...it was rather funny.

It is a funny sort of problem but I think part of it comes from watching my dad drink alcohol as a kid. I watched him drink beer out of a can more often than I can remember. I never buy a 2 liter bottle of cola, it is almost always 12 ounce cans of cola. (We did get a pizza on special from Little Ceaser's that included a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi a few weeks ago )...for some reason, to me, the CAN is important.

Caffeine-free drinks or coffee are for the birds. It just isn't the same. The taste is totally off. I will admit to having problems getting my fat ass moving some mornings..why not drink something that will help put a BOOT in my fat ass to make it move better!  All a noble and worthwhile cause but....my overall health is SO much better without the weight of Caffeinated cola beverage hanging around my neck...*sigh*

I remember watching my poor Dad give up smoking, salt, and caffeine (in that order) at age 49 and I told him "Damn, you can't even have a bad habit anymore."  I am at that point in my life. For as much as I wanted to follow in my Dad's footsteps....THIS is a little closer than I wanted to be to my Dad's footsteps. One big difference between me and my Dad is that my chance of getting C.O.P.D. is a great deal less than his was at age 49. Oh well...it isn't a perfect dream, but it is my dream and so it has turned out.

I've gone off Coke two other times in my life and the reach of Caffeine has called me back louder each time. I have to get this off my back, but there is ONE problem. I LOVE the stuff.  Yes sir, you read that right. I LOVE the stuff....the problem is, it doesn't love me back. As it is with so many things in life, the one you love is bad for you. Ah wrenched mistress of the beverage, will you EVER release your grip on me?

Where do I go from here? I don't know and I'm having problems with all the problems in my life right now. My waist line has a mind of its own and putting off ANY habit is just so much harder right now. I'm not sure WHY.  The things I once gave up with ease just 10 years ago are giving me problems now.  I'm not fucking happy about this at all. I'm not happy with myself and the LACK of my ability to be able to walk away from a legal drink that has an effect on my health. I'm not fucking happy about it at all. I truly don't feel like suffering the headaches and stuffed up head that caffeine withdrawal will bring me.  Well SELF, sounds like a Mexican Standoff to me, just without all the Mexican's...

I try very hard to stay positive and to look on the bright side of life and the Norwegian Blue....but I'm in a bit of a spot....I'm tired of worrying about going to the Dr's office and worrying about my blood pressure or my glucose level or my weight or my balding head or my flat feet or my fat ass....blah, blah, blah, blah, Fucking BLAH!

I kind of feel about myself like Clark Griswold does about his boss in Christmas Vacation....:

.....I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?

If that quote were written today, it would most likely have "meth-head" in there too, but you get the idea.

Something has GOT to change and its the man in the mirror's job to change it.
All this work and only me to do it.  well....I might get Randi's help, you never can tell.

J.