3/3/2012 Top 10 things they teach in waitress school

Tonight, Rand and I went out to eat at a local location of a nation restaurant chain.  We ask that the appetizer be boxed up for the trip home.  When the waitress came back with the boxed and bagged up appetizer, she ask me "Do you want to put that beside you?"....Well...she didn't ask me a question while my mouth was full but she did try to hand me a bag while my HANDS were full. Hmmmm Ok. I'll put down my fork and the salt shaker to pay attention to the bag you are handing me.  I looked across the table at Randi and said "That would make a perfect ACK....the top 10 things they teach in Waitress School"

SOOOOOOO in honor of my afternoon lunch/dinner, without further delay:

The Top 10 things they teach in Waitress School.
10. Talk SO fast that slow moving southern people can't understand you.
9. Come and check on the table every five minutes so you can interrupt the conversation
8. Come and check on the table every 30 minutes so they run out of EVERYTHING before you come back
7. Act so very uninterested that you forget what the order is before you get it written down. 
6. Act so VERY VERY cheerful that sugar drips off your every word.
5. No one drinks coffee anymore so ignore that empty coffee cup but refill the Diet Coke glass 3 times before you notice the empty coffee cup.
4. Mix up the tickets of your tables, no one will notice they have the wrong ticket.
3. Chew gum while taking the order, popping your gum very loudly the whole time.
2. Talk to your favorite customers VERY loudly about your dog getting "fixed" with such exact details such as the Dr. who did the work, the price for the "fixing" and the after "fixing" home bound rest routine and dressing changes, pus color and stitch care for the first two weeks......  
1. Wait until everyone at the table has their mouth full and then run around to the table and ask in a VERY cheerful voice "Is everything OK here folks?" and then run away while all are choking to answer you.

For as much as this is tongue and cheek, ALL of these have happened to us at one point in time or another.  When #2 on the list happened, we talked to the manager and gave her SUCH detail of the conversation her waitress was having with a customer that her mouth flopped open and she said "Are you serious?" Yes, we were VERY serious.....it did happen and it didn't make me want to wolf down my food with wild abandon and leave a large tip either! And to think, we walked into that place some months later and that same blabby waitress had been made assistant manager....ACK! As Mr. Sulu would say "Oh MY"

Ok, ACK among yourselves.

J.