"lead us not into temptation," I can find it myself.....

What a long strange trip its been!

At one point in time in my life, I was pretty religious.  Saved at 12 when I went to Knoxville Baptist Tabernacle with Mike Sands and his family.  4 years later, at age 16, I felt the call to preach.  I remember talking to my Dad about that decision and he wasn't excited about it and tried to talk me out of it. I agonized over that decision for days/weeks.  Trying to decide if Exodus 20:12 fit this situation...  Exodus 20:12 says  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." While reading The Bible I found Acts 5:29 and I KNEW which direction to go. Acts 5:29 says "Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men".  I have to say, I love my Dad but I was being pulled another way. It wasn't easy but it was doable. I was licensed to preach by a small church that was short distance from my house. Between 16 and 18 I taught Sunday School, Training Union and I filled in for the song director when he broke his foot and was a youth director for a short time. 

Fast forward to 18 years old and I got my first job, my first car and my first love.....  To say I fell hard for this girl is a major understatement.  Our relationship twisted my mind in ways I couldn't grasp.  It didn't last long and it hurt like hell.  Her parents didn't dislike me but they also didn't care for me dating their daughter and they let it be know every moment I was around them.  Her dad was a Army vet and I ask him what he did where he worked....his answer "That isn't any of your business" I was doing the best I could to TRY and make conversation with this person and it didn't seem to matter.  This guy was SO uptight that I was told he had a outline drawing scissors on his drawing desk and that one spot was the ONLY place the scissors went on that desk...the end...full stop. OCD much, er CDO much? I once ask this girl what was wrong with her dad and her answer was "He spent 20 years in the Army" my answer to her was "My Dad spent 20 years in the Air Force and he isn't that uptight"....

When that relationship ended. I walked away from God.  Slammed the door in his face and walked away. I couldn't understand why he had taken the thing I wanted most in this world.  I couldn't grasp it, I couldn't shake it and I truly felt like no one would understand at all....I just HURT all over.  Sad to say, every woman in my life after that, until the age of 27 or 28, would suffer because of the hurt I felt over losing her.  I was too short sighted to see just how my toxic attitude would also hurt the people around me.  It was sad. 

I saw her one last time, when I was 20 years old.  When she saw me, she didn't say "Hello Johnny!" or "Hi" or anything like that. Her first words to me after two years were "I'm getting married in August!" I knew right then that how I felt about her was never how she felt about me.  And the hurt flooded back for a few weeks in full force, just as bad as the initial hurt had ever been.

I was most bitter as far as my attitude was concerned. I hid it pretty well most days but if you got close to me there was going to be that moment when the bitter side came out. It wasn't pretty. I wasn't nice and I STILL blamed God and did so for a great many years.  Sad to say, my first wife got the worst end of me for a great many years.  No matter what had or has happened between us, she didn't deserve my shit for something she didn't do and had no hand in. 

Buddha said "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." and this is SO true.  I had hurt myself and a load of others just by being mad at God.  

I went into the U.S. Air Force after being married for a year and being blessed with my first and only child.  I loved being in the military.  I always said "When it stops being fun, I'm out".....it stopped being fun 15 years and 9 months later and YES I did get out. I have to say I've found nothing as fun as being in the military. If it wasn't for that whole "training to go to WAR" stuff, I would have enlisted for my last hitch and retired but it wasn't to be. (To be honest, the "training to go to WAR" didn't have anything to do with my separating from the Air Force, the pace of deployments and my over all health during that time were what made me walk away from the military.  Being suddenly deployed for months at a time and being away from my son made me lose my "fun in the military") 

When people I served with found out I once preached, I got a lot of different reactions. I had more people than I can count, literally, get right in my face and say "You know what you need to do, you need to get right with God right now!" As if saying that in a forceful manner would jolt me back on the straight and narrow.  I have told more people than I can count, including my own Dad, "If you are concerned for my mortal soul, get on your knees and pray for me, BUT, get out of my face! " and I wasn't nice about it either!  

I did get one reaction that I'll never forget. I had a couple ask me to perform their wedding.  I was so shocked by that I could have been knocked over with a feather.  I told them I would have to check the Alaska state laws to see if I could perform the service legally.  Alaska law said I could do the deed and I did it in a duplex in base housing at Eielson AFB.  I wish I could remember the date and the couple better almost  30 years later but I just can't. Fast Forward to October 2005 and I performed the service when my parents renewed their wedding vows on their 50 anniversary.  I had a LOAD of fun with that! How many people can say they got to give such a gift to their parents? Not many that I know of.  

Other than two weddings, I haven't done much with my call to preach, however, I can say in my later years, I have begun to feel the pull of God reeling me back to him.  Where I stand right now is closer to God than I have been in years.  Being a 7 day a week Christian as a teen was a roller coaster of feeling guilty about every little sin. I beat myself  up SO badly for so much "little" stuff....It made being a happy Christian very hard to do.  Being a 7 days a week Christian as an adult has raised questions that I didn't have as a teen or that the answers are different now that I'm an adult.  I've had to reach into my mind to figure out answers to those problems. I promised myself one thing. I wasn't going to beat myself up with "every little thing". 

At this point, Randi and I are considering joining a small church that is somewhat close to the house.  I've tried joining or finding other churches over the years. At one church, we stood up to sing and a strange thing happened. Without trying, I was out or over singing all of them. There were about 25 people in the room. After the service, the Preacher and another member came up to Randi and I and offered me the Music Minister's job right on the spot. I declined and said that I needed to be ministered to at this point in my spiritual life rather than try to minister to anyone else.  

I have always believed that we serve a loving God and his LOVE for us should be emphasized far greater than the fear of going to hell or what I call "turn or burn" preaching.  Most of the churches I've been to over the years have wanted to save everyone and have a bunch of robots on their hands. You can't wear makeup or pants or be African American or what ever nitpicking rule they wish to make this week....They all, or most of, them seemed to have an attitude of "we are the frozen chosen and those are sinners out there, keep away from them....."  

The church we are looking to join doesn't seem to have those problems. The very first service we went to on Easter Sunday, they prayed for Jews, Catholics, Muslims, the sick, the hurting and darn near included everyone on the planet. WOW..that sure was a change from the Southern Baptist Churches I attended. I have heard Jews and Catholics put down almost as a joke in some Southern Baptist Churches I attended and I always felt that was an odd thing to do but I was a bit too young to speak up or I was just visiting that church and I couldn't fix there problems in one short session...nor did I need to try to either. 

In listening to the Preacher of Kathwood Baptist, the church we are considering as our church home, he said something to the effect of "if your church is preaching exclusion not inclusion, there is something wrong". I had never heard it put that way before but that hit the nail right on the head. It struck a chord in me that made me want to visit again.  We recently missed two weeks of Sunday church and I truly missed it and since Kathwood is the only church I've attended recently, I MISSED Kathwood and the true warmth of their ministry. It is truly an impressive place that has given me time to get my mind around how I felt about it without so much as a push, other than to have people tell us they genuinely have missed us when we weren't there. It has made a difference to Randi and I.  

It hasn't been easy for Randi and I to find a church that suited us both. She being Methodist and my being Baptist some times didn't work well. Something or other about the amount of water being used or some such silly thing.... However, Kathwood has been different, we both felt comfortable about how the church was conducted and how the church treated us being visitors. One bad thing about joining the church is we won't get to use those neat visitors parking spots that are near the door....well DARN....but we will live. 

The trip from here on out might still be strange. Its a strange world we are living in, but maybe it will be a little less strange with a little more God in my life...

J. 

Dad and things I've written about him in the past.

A few things I've written about my Dad...

The Daily ACK 6/18/2011 What I learned from my dad

My dad told me so many things. Some a bit late but I got the idea...

1. "Never shoot a Daisy BB Gun with the cocking lever OPEN. (to do so causes the cocking lever to SLAM very hard against your fingers as you hold the BB Gun. It HURTS LIKE HELL! ) I didn't make that mistake twice!

2. "Don't smoke." I almost started during the gulf war but suddenly stopped as I realize the hold it was taking on me.

3. "Purchasing the car is the cheap part, having a car and the upkeep, gas and etc.... are the expensive parts"

4. "if you win while gambling, take your money and WALK AWAY. The house will always beat you in the end"

5. "Always wear a belt"  I fought him SO hard about that one as a teenager, but I get it now.

6. "A double Windsor tie knot is always the best".  I agree.  I'm amazed at the number of TV personalities that CAN'T tie a simple double Windsor knot....

7.  "If you abuse your car on a continual basis it will break down on  you."  Seem my dad had a 1950's Ford that he abused SOOOO bad that he replaced the transmission 3 times!  The Ford dealership felt so sorry for him by the 3rd transmission they GAVE IT to him.....ACK.

8. "The first time I (my father) ever went roller skating, I fell 109 times" and he didn't even go out on the rink floor. He fell 109 times while skating outside the rail that separated the rink from the seating benches!  When I first went skating with my dad, I was a young boy age 9 or 10 at the time and Dad could skate SO GOOD it was hard to watch.  I, on the other hand, had the gracefulness of a 3 legged goose. I realized he wasn't always good at skating.... (he was good with a bolo paddle and a yo-yo and I had so many problems with ANYTHING that required coordination at that young age. [I once broke a light fixture in my parents living room with a YO-YO doing "around the world" and glass went all OVER the place! Mom wasn't too happy with me right about that time! I think I was 10 when that happened] It was like the Governor in Blazing Saddles trying to use a bolo paddle  "This thing is WARPED! Why do I always get one that is warped!")

In 1996 we had a roll reversal.  Right after his mom died, his older brother was trying to play fast and lose with the wording of her will and make it swing in his (my uncle's) favor. Dad called me up to ask MY advice about the problem!! I'm still taken aback by that fact but I also felt like I had arrived as an adult that MY DAD wanted my advice about anything or that I was qualified to even give someone SO SMART advice at all!

My dad always said about addiction, "Never let anything get in the way of your hobby (addiction)"

I'm certain there are more things he told me but right at the moment I can't think of other pearls of wisdom.

The Daily ACK 5/29/2010 My Dad, My Hero

ACK!

It is hard to see your childhood hero's go down hill. We all had hero's as a child...Policeman or Fireman ...

My hero was and is my Dad, Walter K. Massengill. (he used to say the "K" stood for "Kinky") He is 30 years older than I'm and I can say that I've always looked up to him for as long as I remember. As a small child, I used to go watch him shave. I don't know why I used to do that but without fail, if I was awake and he was getting ready for work, I would go park myself in the bathroom to watch him shave.

For someone who didn't graduate from High School, he is and was the smartest guy I know. No matter what the subject, My dad could talk about that subject. His words of wisdom kept me in school. He always told me and my brother to stay in school because the education he missed kept him from following some of the things he wanted to do with his life, or in his words, "it will make the rest of your life easier." He was most correct. I followed that advice not only in High School but also in college when that opportunity came along in my life. After 4.5 years in college, it was my pleasure to know that my Mom and Dad SAW me walk across the stage to receive my BBA in MIS at the tender age of 43....

I went into the U.S. Air Force because my Dad had been in the U.S. Air Force. Nothing else would do for me but Air Force Blue. My son has now followed in our tracks and serves in the Air Force. He makes me so proud I could bust, but back to my dad.

It always took alot to get him to lose his cool....there were moments he had patience to spare, unless you did something stooped like oh......open the door while the car was still moving OR..hit a puppy dog on the head with a metal toy hammer (both of which I did as a young child!) .....then..boy did I get the "rod" (as the good book calls it), or as my dad used to call it, "the hearing aid"....(his belt).
Right or wrong, good or bad, I deserved the punishment. He was always fair. One time while helping him do some yard work for someone in North Hills (all you folks in Knoxville know where that is), I stepped on the upturned tines of a garden rake and I smacked myself upside the head with a great amount of force...(I was a klutz as a kid) Just as soon as I started crying...My dad was right there. He told me later that he had done the same thing to himself as a child and he knew how bad I was hurting. (It was also on that trip that my dad cut into a Wasp nest while pruning a bush, and that was the fastest I had ever seen him run. He was 48 at the time)

One last word or two while walking down memory lane. When I was about 17 we were driving down 5th Ave in Knoxville, around where the old Blue Circle Restaurant was (Motor Products is on that block now). We got behind a Tractor Trailer truck that was FULL with live chickens....being the absent minded teenager I was at the time, I said "What a foul job!" meaning it would be bad to drive a truck with live chickens on it...my dad groaned and I had no idea what he was groaning about...it was my absentminded pun but he had to tell me before I realized just what I had done....(yeah, I was a little slow on the uptake at the time!)

My Dad and I at his doctors office, 31 May 2013.

The only reason I was home on 31 May to go to the Doctor with my Dad was because of a call from my brother, Rick, that said "Your Dad isn't doing well and he is in the hospital.".....We started packing bags and I  called my Boss to tell him my old Dad wasn't doing so well. I hate taking time off from work but I needed to get to East Tennessee and see what I could do, if anything at all.  

One day, that phone call will come and I'll load up the car with dogs, computer, suits, dresses and my lovely wife, Randi and once again head up the road to East Tennessee but life will forever change in a way that I can not reverse it. Only the Good Lord knows when that will be but now matter what date that is, it will be a sad day.  

My Dad and I, showing off our new haircuts.....

J.