Tomorrow, my Dad will have been gone a month. Heaven gained a voice in the choir and I've lost a life rudder. I feel disconnected in a strange sort of way when it comes to my Dad passing on.
Do I miss him? Yes. more than I thought I would. One moment I'm happy and well adjusted about Dad dying and in the next moment I'm a bit sad. The sadness seems to hit me at odd times. His words have jumped in my mind a million different times in the last month. Sometimes in the middle of the night while Randi and the dogs are asleep and Sometimes a sudden thought during my day, not that it is a bad thing. I'm going to have to come to grips with the fact that going forward with my life, I will always miss my Dad.
I have a million different memories of Dad. Good and bad, happy and sad. The wise words he said to me as a teenager and conversations we had while we were both adults. The laughs we shared, right up to the very end will make me happy for years to come.
Dad, I hope your trip has eased your pain, quieted your suffering and restored you to better than your former glory.
I miss you and I always will.
J.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
The dash or the -
Walter K Massengill
5 Oct 1932 - 1 Jan 2015
It is hard to watch your childhood hero leave this life. After my brother told me on the phone that Dad had passed away, I hung up the phone and said quietly "Well, my Dad has a date after the - " It also seems to me on that day that my Mom lost a dash. It was Walter - Eliza for 59 years and now it is just Eliza going forward. That is kind of a sad thing. When Randi goes away on business for a week or two, I feel like I've lost my right arm. I can't imagine what my Mom must be dealing with between her ears right now. I've been in prayer for Mom since I got back from Dad's funeral.
My Dad was slowed by C.O.P.D. Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Dad smoked from age 12 until about his mid 40's. He was first told he had emphysema about the time he stopped smoking (as I remember it...I could be wrong about that) C.O.P.D. means you have two or more pulmonary problems at the same time. For Dad it became both emphysema and bronchitis.
Growing up my whole family smoked. Mom let cigarettes go like no one else I've ever seen. She decided to quit smoking and she did. Cold turkey. After being told he had emphysema, Dad quit also but the damage was done. I'm not sure why I didn't pick up smoking as a habit but I didn't. During the Gulf War, I almost started smoking. Being halfway around the world with no control over what part of the world I was in and the hours of sometimes doing nothing found me bumming cigarettes off of other guys. Once it dawned on me of the grip cigarettes were starting to have on me, I stopped bumming cigarettes and left them alone.
I can honestly say I miss my Dad a good bit but I'm relieved that he suffers no longer in this life.
I wondered what it would be like for me when I could no longer pick up the phone and talk to my Dad and it has happened that I pick up the phone and talk to my Mom. I guess Mom and I have talked more in the past month than we ever have. I think that is a good thing. Before Christmas Mom told me things about her Mom that I didn't know and it gave me a better understanding of Momma Munsey than I had before. I hope going forward that Mom and I keep talking.
I couldn't write about the last few weeks without saying a few words about my church, Kathwood Baptist Church. We came home from Tennessee on 27 Dec 2014 and went to church on 28 Dec. The outpouring of love from our church family helped Randi and I get through the last few weeks. I could not be more thankful for a group of people as I am for the people at Kathwood. They are special to Randi and I.
Going forward won't be easy but maybe we will all learn a new way to live and we will find happiness in ways we haven't found it before. Dad will never be far from my mind or my heart. He would want us to move forward without him. He wouldn't want his leaving to hold us back.
Dad, I love you and miss you. Always will.
Mom, I love you.
Rick, I love you and Denise greatly.
We will make it.
J.
5 Oct 1932 - 1 Jan 2015
It is hard to watch your childhood hero leave this life. After my brother told me on the phone that Dad had passed away, I hung up the phone and said quietly "Well, my Dad has a date after the - " It also seems to me on that day that my Mom lost a dash. It was Walter - Eliza for 59 years and now it is just Eliza going forward. That is kind of a sad thing. When Randi goes away on business for a week or two, I feel like I've lost my right arm. I can't imagine what my Mom must be dealing with between her ears right now. I've been in prayer for Mom since I got back from Dad's funeral.
My Dad was slowed by C.O.P.D. Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Dad smoked from age 12 until about his mid 40's. He was first told he had emphysema about the time he stopped smoking (as I remember it...I could be wrong about that) C.O.P.D. means you have two or more pulmonary problems at the same time. For Dad it became both emphysema and bronchitis.
Growing up my whole family smoked. Mom let cigarettes go like no one else I've ever seen. She decided to quit smoking and she did. Cold turkey. After being told he had emphysema, Dad quit also but the damage was done. I'm not sure why I didn't pick up smoking as a habit but I didn't. During the Gulf War, I almost started smoking. Being halfway around the world with no control over what part of the world I was in and the hours of sometimes doing nothing found me bumming cigarettes off of other guys. Once it dawned on me of the grip cigarettes were starting to have on me, I stopped bumming cigarettes and left them alone.
I can honestly say I miss my Dad a good bit but I'm relieved that he suffers no longer in this life.
I wondered what it would be like for me when I could no longer pick up the phone and talk to my Dad and it has happened that I pick up the phone and talk to my Mom. I guess Mom and I have talked more in the past month than we ever have. I think that is a good thing. Before Christmas Mom told me things about her Mom that I didn't know and it gave me a better understanding of Momma Munsey than I had before. I hope going forward that Mom and I keep talking.
I couldn't write about the last few weeks without saying a few words about my church, Kathwood Baptist Church. We came home from Tennessee on 27 Dec 2014 and went to church on 28 Dec. The outpouring of love from our church family helped Randi and I get through the last few weeks. I could not be more thankful for a group of people as I am for the people at Kathwood. They are special to Randi and I.
Going forward won't be easy but maybe we will all learn a new way to live and we will find happiness in ways we haven't found it before. Dad will never be far from my mind or my heart. He would want us to move forward without him. He wouldn't want his leaving to hold us back.
Dad, I love you and miss you. Always will.
Mom, I love you.
Rick, I love you and Denise greatly.
We will make it.
J.
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