12 April, 1996, A day which will live in infamy. No, Pearl Harbor didn't get attacked again on that date. It was the day I found out the important people in my life.
The day started like any other. Up at 5:30 or 6:00 am, fix breakfast for Christopher and I, Feed Shep, our dog, and then the triple "S" (shit, shower and shave). I tried to leave for work about 7:00am while I was in the Air Force. I enjoyed walking around the office, drink a cup of coffee or two and prepare for the class I was going to teach that morning. The class I was teaching that morning was yearly "Block Training". It was about 7 or 8 different sections in the class, everything from Self-Aid Buddy care to ejection seat training. 50 minutes of teaching and a 10 minute break every hour. We always had about 40 Airman in class. I had been teaching at that time about 3 years and REALLY had a great deal of fun teaching most days.
I was sitting at my desk, having a debate with another instructor about something and the phone on my desk rang. It was the Sumter County Sheriff's department. They went on to tell me that Christopher was ok but he had shot through his left hand with a small .25 pistol I had stored in an outside shed. I was crushed! I had a #2 pencil in my right hand that I crushed in to 5 pieces when the shock of what I had been told hit me. I was stunned.
I turned my seat around and my boss was standing right there. I told him what had happened and I was off to Tuomey Hospital about as fast as I could go. Truth be told, I went from Shaw AFB to Tuomey Hospital about 80mph all the way down Broad street and didn't get a speeding ticket. The 1991 Ford Escort I had got driven very hard that day.
When I got to the room Christopher was in, I walked in and the first words out of my mouth were "I guess you know you're grounded" The answer he gave me was a weak "yes sir". He was 12 years old. For as much as I was about half mad, I was 100% heart broken seeing my only child suffering so. I had been given that .25 pistol by a guy because I helped him fix his car and he had a small child in his house and didn't need a gun around the house. When I got it home, I took the magazine and bullets out of the gun, and I let Christopher look at it because I KNEW he liked guns. He always has liked guns. I also told him NOT to touch that gun unless I let him and I was with him and I remember telling him that 3 different times.
Well, he had broken my rule about that and he was paying for it in a big way AND he was grounded....not a good day for my kid.
It was a comedy of errors as to how my son came to have my pistol in his hand and it came to be loaded. I usually kept the gun in the outside shed and the bullets and magazine in the house, away from each other. Seems I had a neighbor who was a drug dealer and an alcoholic and he was rarely sober most days. The weekend before he had been in his front yard, yelling and screaming up a storm and he wasn't shy about who he talked to or about what he talked about....he was a really messed up guy. He seemed to be trying to engage me in conversation about something or other....... Trust me on this, you can't talk to anyone who is drunk or high.....it just doesn't work well. I had a feeling he might try to come raise cane in my front yard. I got the gun from the shed, the magazine from my nightstand and I loaded the pistol and put in my pocket. If he decided to bring his conversation in my yard, I was going to blow his kneecap clean off..... Well, as the day wore on, my drunk/high neighbor finally went back into his house and I put the gun back in the shed BUT I didn't remove the magazine from the pistol and I didn't remove the bullet from the chamber I had ready to shoot if it came to that.....I had never shot that weapon and knew that it was darn near brand new and was mostly unused.
Christopher told me he climbed up on the freezer and removed the gun from an old wok I had purchased someplace. He said he was trading it from his right hand to his left hand when it went off. After the bullet went through his hand, it lodged in the wooden door facing of the shed. God blessed my son that morning. For all he had done wrong, he then proceeded to walk back in the house, stop the bleeding on his hand, call 911, walked out in the front yard to flag down the sheriff when he missed the house. I'm not sure an adult could have kept it together quite so good.
It all turned out well in the end. The hospital patched him up and we told him to tell his friends he had his hand slammed in a car door and leave it at that if anyone ask about his hand. It made me realize that for as hard as a child is to raise some days, it really did hurt my heart to see him hurting, no matter what the reason.
He really didn't get grounded. When he came back home and saw the trail of blood on the carport and in the kitchen, he lost it in a way I had never seen him breakdown before. I remember walking into the living room and he was still crying a bit and I told him....."I've never seen you this tore up about anything, you aren't grounded, go be a 12 year old and play with Shep. Go be a kid, we will work out some sort of punishment later on".....It just seemed to me that he was hurting enough between his ears and I didn't need to pile any more hurt on him. The punishment I worked out was I made him draw a picture of Bugs Bunny as the King of England out of a Looney Tunes book I had. He was/is a really good artist. Its a beautiful drawing and I still have it and it is the one thing I have from Christopher that is very special to me, besides my granddaughters....
12 April, 1996 wasn't a great day but I found out how much I loved my kid, even if he did do something stupid....he might have made a stupid mistake, but he was ALIVE and very lucky.
Having never shot that pistol, I took it out in my back yard a few days later and shot it at a pine tree just to see how loud it was. I was outside and my ears rang a bit.....I can only imagine the noise of the shot, the shock of being hurt and my son still had the presents of mind to help himself get help at the house. I guess when the chips are down you really don't realize how able you might be until you are under pressure. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him. I was very proud of how he kept his head screwed on straight even after the confusion of such an accident.
The pistol is in a bunch of pieces now and I've never put it back together or shot it again.....I still have it but it will stay in pieces.....because of one day, a very long time ago.
Thanks Christopher for allowing me to write this.....I'm not sure why it was on my mind. Love you!
J.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Pushing myself forward.
I have been a lot of places and seen a lot of things in the past 50 years and 8 months. I've lived my dream and followed in my Dad's foot steps. I could not ask for more in my life. However, during that time I've turned into a person that doesn't trust strangers and holds everyone at arm's length until I reach a level of comfort. I'm not happy about it. The reason I'm not happy about it is this: You get out of any situation what you put into any situation. If I'm giving mistrust or mistrustful vibes around new people or in new places, I'll get back mistrust from these new situations.
I often don't speak to people I walk by in the morning because I don't think they would want to talk to me or I can't understand why they might want to talk to me. I feel that I'm one of the nameless, faceless crowd. Part of the background noise of life rushing by at great speed. My holding back from pushing forth the effort to be at least cordial to people I don't know makes me miss out on the story these people's lives have to tell. Every one of us has a story to tell with our lives and I'm fascinated with people and what drives them or pushes them to do what they have done with themselves.
I'll admit that once I get in my comfort zone with another person, I'll talk your ear off, I would darn near give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. I'm not "unfriendly". I don't go out of my way to do harm to people I don't know but I also don't go out of my way to say "hello" to them either. I usually let people I don't know speak to me first or make the first interaction with me.
Even on Facebook, I'm a bit standoffish.....my "About you" information states "Just because I know you or attended school with you doesn't mean I will automatically befriend you on Facebook. If I don't know you somehow other than Facebook, there is a better than average chance I won't befriend you on Facebook in most cases." I have caught flack about that statement more than once from more than one person. My whole point of all of that is this: Just because we spent 11 or 12 years walking the hallowed halls of our esteemed public school but we really didn't have a "relationship" of any type beyond that does not a friendship make! You have to be a friend of an Facebook friend to even see the friendship button on my Facebook page! In my mind, there is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a true friend. Some people don't get that simple concept.....
I often don't speak to people I walk by in the morning because I don't think they would want to talk to me or I can't understand why they might want to talk to me. I feel that I'm one of the nameless, faceless crowd. Part of the background noise of life rushing by at great speed. My holding back from pushing forth the effort to be at least cordial to people I don't know makes me miss out on the story these people's lives have to tell. Every one of us has a story to tell with our lives and I'm fascinated with people and what drives them or pushes them to do what they have done with themselves.
I'll admit that once I get in my comfort zone with another person, I'll talk your ear off, I would darn near give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. I'm not "unfriendly". I don't go out of my way to do harm to people I don't know but I also don't go out of my way to say "hello" to them either. I usually let people I don't know speak to me first or make the first interaction with me.
Even on Facebook, I'm a bit standoffish.....my "About you" information states "Just because I know you or attended school with you doesn't mean I will automatically befriend you on Facebook. If I don't know you somehow other than Facebook, there is a better than average chance I won't befriend you on Facebook in most cases." I have caught flack about that statement more than once from more than one person. My whole point of all of that is this: Just because we spent 11 or 12 years walking the hallowed halls of our esteemed public school but we really didn't have a "relationship" of any type beyond that does not a friendship make! You have to be a friend of an Facebook friend to even see the friendship button on my Facebook page! In my mind, there is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a true friend. Some people don't get that simple concept.....
Even this blog can't be searched for with Google. A stranger couldn't find this blog if they tried. I must think it is worth something because I keep writing it but I hide my "light under a basket" and cheat myself from the blessings I might get from writing this blog!
The only exception I've made to that Facebook friends rule has to do with people who might know about my family tree or if I can help them with their family tree OR the members of the ZL-OA motorcycle form OR you have to be Varda Epstein. Varda is a friend of a friend (you know who you are Susan McElvanney). I admire Varda and her husband, Dov. More than anyone else I know, Varda and Dov live their convictions on a daily basis. They put their "money where their mouth is" so to speak. Varda's blog is a good one The guys at ZL-OA have helped me when they didn't know me and I've been able to give help back to people who are trying to keep an almost 30 year old motorcycle running. They have given without expectation of getting anything back from me and I have given to them without the expectation of getting anything back from them.
These actions (or lack of actions) has to stop. I can't go on living life shutting out most of the people I'm around. It isn't normal and it isn't healthy for my spirit or my spiritual life going forward. Life is an effort and I'm going to have to put forth the effort to stop holding the world at arm's length.
I need to push myself forward until being "friendly" becomes my comfort zone.
I need to show a side of myself that is "of good cheer" on a daily basis so people can see the Lord in my life. I need to put my best foot forward, not because I "have to" but because it is the RIGHT thing to do. As the Bible says in Galatians 5:22 and 23
Wish me luck.
J.
These actions (or lack of actions) has to stop. I can't go on living life shutting out most of the people I'm around. It isn't normal and it isn't healthy for my spirit or my spiritual life going forward. Life is an effort and I'm going to have to put forth the effort to stop holding the world at arm's length.
I need to push myself forward until being "friendly" becomes my comfort zone.
I need to show a side of myself that is "of good cheer" on a daily basis so people can see the Lord in my life. I need to put my best foot forward, not because I "have to" but because it is the RIGHT thing to do. As the Bible says in Galatians 5:22 and 23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.I must move forward from this point. Now is the time, today is the day and I am the loser if I don't accomplish this task in my life.
Wish me luck.
J.
Monday, July 8, 2013
UPDATE: Sometimes you read something that lets you know your life is doing Okay. This was one of those time.
UPDATE:
We have received information from Stephanie MacMurray and she has found a way to get to her son's home for his funeral. I don't have much more information than that at this time. I will update this post as more information is given to Randi and I.
I follow a group on Facebook that is dedicated to PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) and a woman had posted:
Randi and I are both wracking our brains trying to share this with someone or some group that might be able to help.
J.
We have received information from Stephanie MacMurray and she has found a way to get to her son's home for his funeral. I don't have much more information than that at this time. I will update this post as more information is given to Randi and I.
I follow a group on Facebook that is dedicated to PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) and a woman had posted:
After reading that, my problems weren't that big any more. I just had a hangnail when compared to this person. I cried, I wrote my Preacher and I just wanted to beat my fist against the wall that "the system" had failed this woman.
Randi and I are both wracking our brains trying to share this with someone or some group that might be able to help.
J.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
"lead us not into temptation," I can find it myself.....
What a long strange trip its been!
At one point in time in my life, I was pretty religious. Saved at 12 when I went to Knoxville Baptist Tabernacle with Mike Sands and his family. 4 years later, at age 16, I felt the call to preach. I remember talking to my Dad about that decision and he wasn't excited about it and tried to talk me out of it. I agonized over that decision for days/weeks. Trying to decide if Exodus 20:12 fit this situation... Exodus 20:12 says “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." While reading The Bible I found Acts 5:29 and I KNEW which direction to go. Acts 5:29 says "Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men". I have to say, I love my Dad but I was being pulled another way. It wasn't easy but it was doable. I was licensed to preach by a small church that was short distance from my house. Between 16 and 18 I taught Sunday School, Training Union and I filled in for the song director when he broke his foot and was a youth director for a short time.
At one point in time in my life, I was pretty religious. Saved at 12 when I went to Knoxville Baptist Tabernacle with Mike Sands and his family. 4 years later, at age 16, I felt the call to preach. I remember talking to my Dad about that decision and he wasn't excited about it and tried to talk me out of it. I agonized over that decision for days/weeks. Trying to decide if Exodus 20:12 fit this situation... Exodus 20:12 says “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." While reading The Bible I found Acts 5:29 and I KNEW which direction to go. Acts 5:29 says "Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men". I have to say, I love my Dad but I was being pulled another way. It wasn't easy but it was doable. I was licensed to preach by a small church that was short distance from my house. Between 16 and 18 I taught Sunday School, Training Union and I filled in for the song director when he broke his foot and was a youth director for a short time.
Fast forward to 18 years old and I got my first job, my first car and my first love..... To say I fell hard for this girl is a major understatement. Our relationship twisted my mind in ways I couldn't grasp. It didn't last long and it hurt like hell. Her parents didn't dislike me but they also didn't care for me dating their daughter and they let it be know every moment I was around them. Her dad was a Army vet and I ask him what he did where he worked....his answer "That isn't any of your business" I was doing the best I could to TRY and make conversation with this person and it didn't seem to matter. This guy was SO uptight that I was told he had a outline drawing scissors on his drawing desk and that one spot was the ONLY place the scissors went on that desk...the end...full stop. OCD much, er CDO much? I once ask this girl what was wrong with her dad and her answer was "He spent 20 years in the Army" my answer to her was "My Dad spent 20 years in the Air Force and he isn't that uptight"....
When that relationship ended. I walked away from God. Slammed the door in his face and walked away. I couldn't understand why he had taken the thing I wanted most in this world. I couldn't grasp it, I couldn't shake it and I truly felt like no one would understand at all....I just HURT all over. Sad to say, every woman in my life after that, until the age of 27 or 28, would suffer because of the hurt I felt over losing her. I was too short sighted to see just how my toxic attitude would also hurt the people around me. It was sad.
I saw her one last time, when I was 20 years old. When she saw me, she didn't say "Hello Johnny!" or "Hi" or anything like that. Her first words to me after two years were "I'm getting married in August!" I knew right then that how I felt about her was never how she felt about me. And the hurt flooded back for a few weeks in full force, just as bad as the initial hurt had ever been.
I was most bitter as far as my attitude was concerned. I hid it pretty well most days but if you got close to me there was going to be that moment when the bitter side came out. It wasn't pretty. I wasn't nice and I STILL blamed God and did so for a great many years. Sad to say, my first wife got the worst end of me for a great many years. No matter what had or has happened between us, she didn't deserve my shit for something she didn't do and had no hand in.
Buddha said "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." and this is SO true. I had hurt myself and a load of others just by being mad at God.
I went into the U.S. Air Force after being married for a year and being blessed with my first and only child. I loved being in the military. I always said "When it stops being fun, I'm out".....it stopped being fun 15 years and 9 months later and YES I did get out. I have to say I've found nothing as fun as being in the military. If it wasn't for that whole "training to go to WAR" stuff, I would have enlisted for my last hitch and retired but it wasn't to be. (To be honest, the "training to go to WAR" didn't have anything to do with my separating from the Air Force, the pace of deployments and my over all health during that time were what made me walk away from the military. Being suddenly deployed for months at a time and being away from my son made me lose my "fun in the military")
When people I served with found out I once preached, I got a lot of different reactions. I had more people than I can count, literally, get right in my face and say "You know what you need to do, you need to get right with God right now!" As if saying that in a forceful manner would jolt me back on the straight and narrow. I have told more people than I can count, including my own Dad, "If you are concerned for my mortal soul, get on your knees and pray for me, BUT, get out of my face! " and I wasn't nice about it either!
I did get one reaction that I'll never forget. I had a couple ask me to perform their wedding. I was so shocked by that I could have been knocked over with a feather. I told them I would have to check the Alaska state laws to see if I could perform the service legally. Alaska law said I could do the deed and I did it in a duplex in base housing at Eielson AFB. I wish I could remember the date and the couple better almost 30 years later but I just can't. Fast Forward to October 2005 and I performed the service when my parents renewed their wedding vows on their 50 anniversary. I had a LOAD of fun with that! How many people can say they got to give such a gift to their parents? Not many that I know of.
Other than two weddings, I haven't done much with my call to preach, however, I can say in my later years, I have begun to feel the pull of God reeling me back to him. Where I stand right now is closer to God than I have been in years. Being a 7 day a week Christian as a teen was a roller coaster of feeling guilty about every little sin. I beat myself up SO badly for so much "little" stuff....It made being a happy Christian very hard to do. Being a 7 days a week Christian as an adult has raised questions that I didn't have as a teen or that the answers are different now that I'm an adult. I've had to reach into my mind to figure out answers to those problems. I promised myself one thing. I wasn't going to beat myself up with "every little thing".
At this point, Randi and I are considering joining a small church that is somewhat close to the house. I've tried joining or finding other churches over the years. At one church, we stood up to sing and a strange thing happened. Without trying, I was out or over singing all of them. There were about 25 people in the room. After the service, the Preacher and another member came up to Randi and I and offered me the Music Minister's job right on the spot. I declined and said that I needed to be ministered to at this point in my spiritual life rather than try to minister to anyone else.
I have always believed that we serve a loving God and his LOVE for us should be emphasized far greater than the fear of going to hell or what I call "turn or burn" preaching. Most of the churches I've been to over the years have wanted to save everyone and have a bunch of robots on their hands. You can't wear makeup or pants or be African American or what ever nitpicking rule they wish to make this week....They all, or most of, them seemed to have an attitude of "we are the frozen chosen and those are sinners out there, keep away from them....."
The church we are looking to join doesn't seem to have those problems. The very first service we went to on Easter Sunday, they prayed for Jews, Catholics, Muslims, the sick, the hurting and darn near included everyone on the planet. WOW..that sure was a change from the Southern Baptist Churches I attended. I have heard Jews and Catholics put down almost as a joke in some Southern Baptist Churches I attended and I always felt that was an odd thing to do but I was a bit too young to speak up or I was just visiting that church and I couldn't fix there problems in one short session...nor did I need to try to either.
In listening to the Preacher of Kathwood Baptist, the church we are considering as our church home, he said something to the effect of "if your church is preaching exclusion not inclusion, there is something wrong". I had never heard it put that way before but that hit the nail right on the head. It struck a chord in me that made me want to visit again. We recently missed two weeks of Sunday church and I truly missed it and since Kathwood is the only church I've attended recently, I MISSED Kathwood and the true warmth of their ministry. It is truly an impressive place that has given me time to get my mind around how I felt about it without so much as a push, other than to have people tell us they genuinely have missed us when we weren't there. It has made a difference to Randi and I.
It hasn't been easy for Randi and I to find a church that suited us both. She being Methodist and my being Baptist some times didn't work well. Something or other about the amount of water being used or some such silly thing.... However, Kathwood has been different, we both felt comfortable about how the church was conducted and how the church treated us being visitors. One bad thing about joining the church is we won't get to use those neat visitors parking spots that are near the door....well DARN....but we will live.
The trip from here on out might still be strange. Its a strange world we are living in, but maybe it will be a little less strange with a little more God in my life...
J.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Dad and things I've written about him in the past.
A few things I've written about my Dad...
The Daily ACK 6/18/2011 What I learned from my dad
My dad told me so many things. Some a bit late but I got the idea...
1. "Never shoot a Daisy BB Gun with the cocking lever OPEN. (to do so causes the cocking lever to SLAM very hard against your fingers as you hold the BB Gun. It HURTS LIKE HELL! ) I didn't make that mistake twice!
2. "Don't smoke." I almost started during the gulf war but suddenly stopped as I realize the hold it was taking on me.
3. "Purchasing the car is the cheap part, having a car and the upkeep, gas and etc.... are the expensive parts"
4. "if you win while gambling, take your money and WALK AWAY. The house will always beat you in the end"
5. "Always wear a belt" I fought him SO hard about that one as a teenager, but I get it now.
6. "A double Windsor tie knot is always the best". I agree. I'm amazed at the number of TV personalities that CAN'T tie a simple double Windsor knot....
7. "If you abuse your car on a continual basis it will break down on you." Seem my dad had a 1950's Ford that he abused SOOOO bad that he replaced the transmission 3 times! The Ford dealership felt so sorry for him by the 3rd transmission they GAVE IT to him.....ACK.
8. "The first time I (my father) ever went roller skating, I fell 109 times" and he didn't even go out on the rink floor. He fell 109 times while skating outside the rail that separated the rink from the seating benches! When I first went skating with my dad, I was a young boy age 9 or 10 at the time and Dad could skate SO GOOD it was hard to watch. I, on the other hand, had the gracefulness of a 3 legged goose. I realized he wasn't always good at skating.... (he was good with a bolo paddle and a yo-yo and I had so many problems with ANYTHING that required coordination at that young age. [I once broke a light fixture in my parents living room with a YO-YO doing "around the world" and glass went all OVER the place! Mom wasn't too happy with me right about that time! I think I was 10 when that happened] It was like the Governor in Blazing Saddles trying to use a bolo paddle "This thing is WARPED! Why do I always get one that is warped!")
In 1996 we had a roll reversal. Right after his mom died, his older brother was trying to play fast and lose with the wording of her will and make it swing in his (my uncle's) favor. Dad called me up to ask MY advice about the problem!! I'm still taken aback by that fact but I also felt like I had arrived as an adult that MY DAD wanted my advice about anything or that I was qualified to even give someone SO SMART advice at all!
My dad always said about addiction, "Never let anything get in the way of your hobby (addiction)"
I'm certain there are more things he told me but right at the moment I can't think of other pearls of wisdom.
The Daily ACK 5/29/2010 My Dad, My Hero
ACK!
It is hard to see your childhood hero's go down hill. We all had hero's as a child...Policeman or Fireman ...
My hero was and is my Dad, Walter K. Massengill. (he used to say the "K" stood for "Kinky") He is 30 years older than I'm and I can say that I've always looked up to him for as long as I remember. As a small child, I used to go watch him shave. I don't know why I used to do that but without fail, if I was awake and he was getting ready for work, I would go park myself in the bathroom to watch him shave.
For someone who didn't graduate from High School, he is and was the smartest guy I know. No matter what the subject, My dad could talk about that subject. His words of wisdom kept me in school. He always told me and my brother to stay in school because the education he missed kept him from following some of the things he wanted to do with his life, or in his words, "it will make the rest of your life easier." He was most correct. I followed that advice not only in High School but also in college when that opportunity came along in my life. After 4.5 years in college, it was my pleasure to know that my Mom and Dad SAW me walk across the stage to receive my BBA in MIS at the tender age of 43....
I went into the U.S. Air Force because my Dad had been in the U.S. Air Force. Nothing else would do for me but Air Force Blue. My son has now followed in our tracks and serves in the Air Force. He makes me so proud I could bust, but back to my dad.
It always took alot to get him to lose his cool....there were moments he had patience to spare, unless you did something stooped like oh......open the door while the car was still moving OR..hit a puppy dog on the head with a metal toy hammer (both of which I did as a young child!) .....then..boy did I get the "rod" (as the good book calls it), or as my dad used to call it, "the hearing aid"....(his belt).
Right or wrong, good or bad, I deserved the punishment. He was always fair. One time while helping him do some yard work for someone in North Hills (all you folks in Knoxville know where that is), I stepped on the upturned tines of a garden rake and I smacked myself upside the head with a great amount of force...(I was a klutz as a kid) Just as soon as I started crying...My dad was right there. He told me later that he had done the same thing to himself as a child and he knew how bad I was hurting. (It was also on that trip that my dad cut into a Wasp nest while pruning a bush, and that was the fastest I had ever seen him run. He was 48 at the time)
One last word or two while walking down memory lane. When I was about 17 we were driving down 5th Ave in Knoxville, around where the old Blue Circle Restaurant was (Motor Products is on that block now). We got behind a Tractor Trailer truck that was FULL with live chickens....being the absent minded teenager I was at the time, I said "What a foul job!" meaning it would be bad to drive a truck with live chickens on it...my dad groaned and I had no idea what he was groaning about...it was my absentminded pun but he had to tell me before I realized just what I had done....(yeah, I was a little slow on the uptake at the time!)
It is hard to see your childhood hero's go down hill. We all had hero's as a child...Policeman or Fireman ...
My hero was and is my Dad, Walter K. Massengill. (he used to say the "K" stood for "Kinky") He is 30 years older than I'm and I can say that I've always looked up to him for as long as I remember. As a small child, I used to go watch him shave. I don't know why I used to do that but without fail, if I was awake and he was getting ready for work, I would go park myself in the bathroom to watch him shave.
For someone who didn't graduate from High School, he is and was the smartest guy I know. No matter what the subject, My dad could talk about that subject. His words of wisdom kept me in school. He always told me and my brother to stay in school because the education he missed kept him from following some of the things he wanted to do with his life, or in his words, "it will make the rest of your life easier." He was most correct. I followed that advice not only in High School but also in college when that opportunity came along in my life. After 4.5 years in college, it was my pleasure to know that my Mom and Dad SAW me walk across the stage to receive my BBA in MIS at the tender age of 43....
I went into the U.S. Air Force because my Dad had been in the U.S. Air Force. Nothing else would do for me but Air Force Blue. My son has now followed in our tracks and serves in the Air Force. He makes me so proud I could bust, but back to my dad.
It always took alot to get him to lose his cool....there were moments he had patience to spare, unless you did something stooped like oh......open the door while the car was still moving OR..hit a puppy dog on the head with a metal toy hammer (both of which I did as a young child!) .....then..boy did I get the "rod" (as the good book calls it), or as my dad used to call it, "the hearing aid"....(his belt).
Right or wrong, good or bad, I deserved the punishment. He was always fair. One time while helping him do some yard work for someone in North Hills (all you folks in Knoxville know where that is), I stepped on the upturned tines of a garden rake and I smacked myself upside the head with a great amount of force...(I was a klutz as a kid) Just as soon as I started crying...My dad was right there. He told me later that he had done the same thing to himself as a child and he knew how bad I was hurting. (It was also on that trip that my dad cut into a Wasp nest while pruning a bush, and that was the fastest I had ever seen him run. He was 48 at the time)
One last word or two while walking down memory lane. When I was about 17 we were driving down 5th Ave in Knoxville, around where the old Blue Circle Restaurant was (Motor Products is on that block now). We got behind a Tractor Trailer truck that was FULL with live chickens....being the absent minded teenager I was at the time, I said "What a foul job!" meaning it would be bad to drive a truck with live chickens on it...my dad groaned and I had no idea what he was groaning about...it was my absentminded pun but he had to tell me before I realized just what I had done....(yeah, I was a little slow on the uptake at the time!)
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| My Dad and I at his doctors office, 31 May 2013. |
The only reason I was home on 31 May to go to the Doctor with my Dad was because of a call from my brother, Rick, that said "Your Dad isn't doing well and he is in the hospital.".....We started packing bags and I called my Boss to tell him my old Dad wasn't doing so well. I hate taking time off from work but I needed to get to East Tennessee and see what I could do, if anything at all.
One day, that phone call will come and I'll load up the car with dogs, computer, suits, dresses and my lovely wife, Randi and once again head up the road to East Tennessee but life will forever change in a way that I can not reverse it. Only the Good Lord knows when that will be but now matter what date that is, it will be a sad day.
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| My Dad and I, showing off our new haircuts..... |
J.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
"Hello, my name is Johnny and I'm a scatterbrain ..."
I sometimes think I need a good 12 step program to stop me from being a scatterbrain. I'm not sure the meetings would be all that good to attend because you would be in a room full of scatterbrains. Think about it. "Hello, my name is Johnny and I'm a scatterbrain....".....*crickets*.....and then the room would have one person that would catch on and say "Hi Johnny" while everyone else is in the mental twilight zone.
Hmmmm. Well, you have to start SOMEPLACE, right? I'm not sure you could get a group of recovering scatterbrains to write 12 steps and 12 traditions and a book containing the history of the organization. This could be a problem.
I'm not a scatterbrain all the time. Most of the time I have it reasonable together. I'm a creature of habit and when that habit is upset by something, I get pretty scattered mentally. Last night, I spoke to my wife, Randi, who is out of town, one of the last thing I told her was "Don't forget to take your meds" and then what do I do? Drift off to sleep with nary a thought about taken my OWN pills! ACK! ACK! ACK! Some of them I could miss with no visible problems noted, however, there is one pill I take and when I miss it, I have the migraine no headache medicine will touch.
My eyes flew open at 5:00am and I KNEW I had not taken my pills, but I didn't yet have a headache. I had to act fast! I called Randi and woke her up, because she knows about such things, so I ask her what I should do. She suggested reading the insert of the medicine and see what it said about missing a dose.
It wasn't the end of the world but it was the EDGE of my world. I worked it out with Randi's help and had a pretty good day, all in all.
However, that 12 step program for scatterbrains could be a revolution if developed the right way.
"I'm not just a scatterbrain, I am also the scatterbrain program president"
Tomorrow is another day to fly. Lets just hope my brain doesn't fly the coop before the rest of me!
J.
Hmmmm. Well, you have to start SOMEPLACE, right? I'm not sure you could get a group of recovering scatterbrains to write 12 steps and 12 traditions and a book containing the history of the organization. This could be a problem.
I'm not a scatterbrain all the time. Most of the time I have it reasonable together. I'm a creature of habit and when that habit is upset by something, I get pretty scattered mentally. Last night, I spoke to my wife, Randi, who is out of town, one of the last thing I told her was "Don't forget to take your meds" and then what do I do? Drift off to sleep with nary a thought about taken my OWN pills! ACK! ACK! ACK! Some of them I could miss with no visible problems noted, however, there is one pill I take and when I miss it, I have the migraine no headache medicine will touch.
My eyes flew open at 5:00am and I KNEW I had not taken my pills, but I didn't yet have a headache. I had to act fast! I called Randi and woke her up, because she knows about such things, so I ask her what I should do. She suggested reading the insert of the medicine and see what it said about missing a dose.
It wasn't the end of the world but it was the EDGE of my world. I worked it out with Randi's help and had a pretty good day, all in all.
However, that 12 step program for scatterbrains could be a revolution if developed the right way.
"I'm not just a scatterbrain, I am also the scatterbrain program president"
Tomorrow is another day to fly. Lets just hope my brain doesn't fly the coop before the rest of me!
J.
Friday, March 29, 2013
A funny thing happened on the way to today......
Its funny, having been in the military, there is a thousand things you remember because it happened on one day at one time at one moment on that one day. If it hadn't been for that, I wouldn't have such a clear memory of the things that happened in late May 1984.
On 23 May 1984, at the MEPS station on North Central Ave, Knoxville TN, 37917 (across the street from the old Sears building). I was 5'9" tall, my pulse was 93, my BP was 130/something and my weight was 139lbs. I was a thin 23 year old kid. I met a guy that day, one William Stout who was 27 and a black belt in martial arts. We hit it off. I knew from the first time I saw and talked to William, we would be friends and I was right. When Basic Training was all over, 8 weeks later, leaving William hurt almost as much as leaving Knoxville did on the 23 of May, however, that is not the point of all this old mush.
I can never forget that on that one day at that one time in that one moment, my weight was 139 pounds. It is on my first military ID card and I have that ID card still yet today.
About 4 months ago, I went to take off my wedding ring and almost couldn't get it off. As I tried again, and again, it finally came off. At that point my weight was about 231 pounds. The next morning when I grabbed up my wedding ring and I knew I couldn't put it on because it would never come back off. I was heart broken, dejected and just down right hurt. My wedding to Randi was one of the best things that happened to me and she ask me if she could get the rings we wear right after she moved to SC. In 2000 those rings cost $95 each. Now, in 2013, they are $195 each. OUCH!
It has come to the point that I must lose some weight. I MUST. It is sort of ironic. As a kid I was SUCH a picky eater. I had so much bologna as a kid that I won't touch the stuff now that I'm an adult and the thought of FRIED bologna just turns my guts over in handstands and flip flops. ACK! Now, since I turned 50 on 22 Nov 2012, I enjoy eating a little to much. We all age, we all lose our hair or our hair turns gray, we all get a bit of a gut but it has gotten out of control for me. *sigh*
For as bad as all the things in previous paragraph are, the worst part that hurts the most is the fact I can no longer wear my wedding ring. It is just a silly symbol, a piece of metal but for it being a silly symbol or piece of metal. it is my silly symbol and my piece of metal and it holds together a marriage that means a great deal to me. Is it perfect? No. No marriage is and no marriage will ever be perfect but it is my little haven of imperfection with Randi standing beside me. Of all the reasons I need to lose weight, the reason that stabs me worst of all is that I can't wear my wedding ring. No more, no less. It makes me sad in a way that not much makes me so sad.
Each step we take molds who we are. From now on, each step I take better make me sweat a bit of the previous steps off of me. Wish me luck!
On 23 May 1984, at the MEPS station on North Central Ave, Knoxville TN, 37917 (across the street from the old Sears building). I was 5'9" tall, my pulse was 93, my BP was 130/something and my weight was 139lbs. I was a thin 23 year old kid. I met a guy that day, one William Stout who was 27 and a black belt in martial arts. We hit it off. I knew from the first time I saw and talked to William, we would be friends and I was right. When Basic Training was all over, 8 weeks later, leaving William hurt almost as much as leaving Knoxville did on the 23 of May, however, that is not the point of all this old mush.
I can never forget that on that one day at that one time in that one moment, my weight was 139 pounds. It is on my first military ID card and I have that ID card still yet today.
About 4 months ago, I went to take off my wedding ring and almost couldn't get it off. As I tried again, and again, it finally came off. At that point my weight was about 231 pounds. The next morning when I grabbed up my wedding ring and I knew I couldn't put it on because it would never come back off. I was heart broken, dejected and just down right hurt. My wedding to Randi was one of the best things that happened to me and she ask me if she could get the rings we wear right after she moved to SC. In 2000 those rings cost $95 each. Now, in 2013, they are $195 each. OUCH!
It has come to the point that I must lose some weight. I MUST. It is sort of ironic. As a kid I was SUCH a picky eater. I had so much bologna as a kid that I won't touch the stuff now that I'm an adult and the thought of FRIED bologna just turns my guts over in handstands and flip flops. ACK! Now, since I turned 50 on 22 Nov 2012, I enjoy eating a little to much. We all age, we all lose our hair or our hair turns gray, we all get a bit of a gut but it has gotten out of control for me. *sigh*
For as bad as all the things in previous paragraph are, the worst part that hurts the most is the fact I can no longer wear my wedding ring. It is just a silly symbol, a piece of metal but for it being a silly symbol or piece of metal. it is my silly symbol and my piece of metal and it holds together a marriage that means a great deal to me. Is it perfect? No. No marriage is and no marriage will ever be perfect but it is my little haven of imperfection with Randi standing beside me. Of all the reasons I need to lose weight, the reason that stabs me worst of all is that I can't wear my wedding ring. No more, no less. It makes me sad in a way that not much makes me so sad.
Each step we take molds who we are. From now on, each step I take better make me sweat a bit of the previous steps off of me. Wish me luck!
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